Cut off cut down held back don't trust anyone

My life has changed enough in the last ten years that I'm not quite ready for the changes to come in the next ten (or twenty, or sixty.) I've seen enough change, especially change in the world. Would I like to see more peace, love, and understanding? Well yes, certainly, but is it being too hopeful to hope for more? At this point in life my dreams shouldn't seem too far fetched to most folks, as most folks my age have easily achieved the things that I only dream of achieving. I no longer have any goals or aspirations, just the general desire to lend a helping hand to those friends and loved ones that I feel that I can help in some small way. Life probably holds a few more surprises and changes in store, yet I no longer feel that I am so eager to see the changes, as I'm definitely no longer as resiliant to the buffeting of the winds of change. I hold fast to my faith in the innate goodness of humankind, but, having seen an abundance of contradictory evidence, am no longer certain where the balance lies. To this end my faith in an all powerful and ever living God is more resolute, and a strong upbringing in a faithful household must certainly take some credit for this. I do have a tendency to equivocate, seeking redemption and reconciliation through the grace of God, but I feel complete in my faith and daily prayer alone, as if I have no reason to take direct action in my daily life - am I wrong?

An yes, back to the "Ex" in the title . . . I do feel cut off, despite being a ten minute walk from anywhere, despite being located smack-dab in the middle of a large college campus. I'm cut off here, surrounded by artifacts of the first three decades of my life, haunted by thoughts of my ex-girlfriend or pseudo-wife or . . . whatever she was. Not so ironically, the last communique I recieved from my Ex was an email telling me to go out and find another girl. That email was sent well over a year ago (and I hadn't seen her in almost two years by then) and I still do not know what to make of it, I am still trying to figure it out. In light of this I think I'm doing fine where I am, big old house, plenty of books to read, plenty of beer in the cupboard, friends are easy to find. Things couldn'r be better.